Chapter 8: Male Character

Shalit offers the question "what can it mean to be afraid to be a gentleman?" (pg. 144)
I believe that both men and women are afraid of men being gentlemen. Women are afraid to admit that having a door held open for them or a chair pulled out is nice every once in a while. Because women are conditioned to believe that they must do it or risk seeming weak. Men, on the other hand, are afraid to do anythings at the risk of having the chair yanked out of their hands. I believe that it's not sexist to have a guy carry your bags for you or open a door, it's a courtesy. I also think that a women should be able to stand on her own two feet and handle herself in certain situations. Shalit makes a good point with the need to reassert a code of conduct for men and women. Both sexes need to reevaluate how they act towards members of the opposite sex, and adjust accordingly. Society has not so much lost modesty but rather respect. There is a lack of resprect for oneself and members of the opposite sex and once people regain respect for themselves and others. Modesty will won't be too far behind.

Kristine Jansen

Chapter 7: Can Modesty Be Natural?

Shalit uses this chapter to prove that sexual modesty is natural. She opens the chapter with a few examples to help make her point. She talks about Howard Stern and how he always wins the "game of vulgarity" by making women who are supposed to be "comfortable with their bodies" uncomfortable. She then talks about women who hold their skirts down when it is windy as a way to keep themselves from be exposed. She also talks about how girls don't like to hear things the way guys say it and think it. It may be what is going on but they just don't like hearing it in slang terms. Finally Shalit talks about how all young girls are modest and shy. All of these examples/proofs show that modesty is in fact natural. I believe that modesty is natural because I see it as a way women can protect themselves. Women should use modesty to get the respect they deserve. In some cases, the way a woman dresses shows what she expects and what she thinks of herself. This may not be the case everytime, but that is what people think. So while it may not be the intent of a person to look "immodest," it does seem to everyone else that that is what they are going for. We live in a very judgemental society and the way a person dresses is one of the first things we look at.
-Bryan Leonardy

Chapter 6: The Great Deception

In this chapter, the author denunciates the tendency spread by feminist urging women to act like men. This can be interpreted as hypocrisy. Why women would act like men when they are the first complaining about their behaviors and criticizing them? If we start acting like men we won’t have anything to say anymore, we won’t be able to complain and denunciate whatever we consider as disrespect and unfaithfulness. It is not said that women are not men’s equal, it is said that they are different. Indeed even if it is true that intellectually speaking we all are equal, concerning relationships men and women are different. I believe that a man has to struggle to receive favors from a woman that is the only way for him to know the value of what he is seeking for. It is also the way for him to be aware of how much he wants to be with that particular woman and how deep are his feelings.
W. Shalit says that: “Encouraged to act immodestly, a woman exposes her vulnerability and she then becomes, in fact, the weaker sex”. Maybe we can be more flexible by saying that it is not only modesty that makes a woman value but overall it is her capacity to make herself valuable and not easy to reach.
yaye

Chapter 5: Forgiving Modesty

Shalit starts this chapter off by discussing the two different types of modesty. One being related to humility and the other being in terms of sexual modesty. I like how she makes the distinction between the two because they are very different. Shalit then, however, begins to compare them and show how they are related and how they affect each other. Later in the chapter, Shalit says, "I've never heard a woman regret too little sexual experiences, but I often hear a woman regret too much. While this seems logical, I would like to know who she is talking to and why she thinks she can generalize her findings to include all women. Don't get me wrong, I do not doubt her statement at all. I do, however, have a problem with her using it as supporting evidence to back up her claim. She assumes that the women she has talked to are the same as every other woman in the United States.

-Bryan Leonardy

Chapter 4: New Perversions

I feel that women want a little bit of both worlds. In a sense, woman are a little like hypocrites. We want to be able to get a high paying job yet still have doors opened for us. I don't necessarily want to be treated like a princes nor do I want to be treated like one of the guys. It's the idea that women can go into the world and accomplish things, yet still be a mother or a wife. To be an extremist is usually never a good thing, whether a feminist or the opposing side. I know my themes are becoming redundant, but a lot of issues today are from lack of compromise. We all need to give a little, men and women.

Kristine Jansen

Chapter 3: The Fallout

Chapter 3 talks about how guys treat women with no respect and think that it is ok to force sex on them. Forcing sex on another person is NEVER acceptable. It is their body and they should be able to choose what they want to do with it. I agree with Shalit that if every woman was treated respectfully and as a lady, it would decrease the harassment that has become so common today. While it is great, as a guy, to know that your girlfriend feels safer with you around, it is a shame that girls need protection in the first place.
The chapter also talks about how guys pressure girls into having sex and they just can't say no. If a girl does not want to have sex, then she should avoid being in a situation where a guy could talk her into it. If that's not possible, then the girl should say no and not be persuaded. I can only think of one reason why a girl would say yes when she really wants to say no. That is that she doesn't want to lose the guy. If a guy is going to dump a girl because she won't have sex with him, then it just wasn't going to work out in the first place. It will not be a long lasting relationship. So say no, have no regrets, and find a guy that will respect you.
-Bryan Leonardy

Chapter 2: Postmodern Sexual Etiquette

In this chapter, Shalit presents the three stages of a relationship, the hook-up, the dumping, and then the post-dumping checkup. To me, the idea that a relationship can be categorized is a bit unrealistic, but we have to take what she says as verifiable in order to analyze anything.

I don't really disagree with the hook-up and dumping stages of the relationship as she presents them. I do, however, disagree with the post-dumping checkup. Each relationship is its own individual thing and therefore cannot be categorized or generalized. Shalit generalizes the idea that post-dumping checkups are useless and cause more trouble than anything. Although this maybe true for some cases, the degree to which someone should 'checkup' on someone depends on the people and the relationship. I believe that people should try to remain friends after a serious relationship. You shared an intimate part of your life with someone and they helped shape who you are. Therefore, to competely cut out someone who you were with for four years, for example, seems a bit extreme. Although you may not go to the movies or hangout with them on a regular basis, the notion that the two of you are still friends and on good terms is a sign of maturity. It's a bit middle schoolish for someone to no longer continue contact with someone just because the two of them aren't in a serious relationship anymore.

Kristine Jansen